I Am Fighting!!

I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason. This thought has been shared time and time again. When I relive my experiences in detail, the picture becomes clear just how true this sentiment is. 

While attached to a feeding tube with the pain relatively under control, I was able to better focus my thoughts on what was happening to me. Daily entries into my Journal did give comfort, in ways I did not realize until the years that followed. 

When life knocks me down, I often refer to the  pages I wrote all those years ago. I am humbled how much that experience really changed my outlook on life. What I thought were big things, really were the smallest details of my life. Below are two pages from my Journal. I apologize for the penmanship, I was on a lot of pain medications at the time. The “wonder juice” I note, is one of those such medications. 

At this point I knew the surgery was going to be the ultimate outcome. As much as I did not want to admit that fact, I just knew. After a number of days with my digestive system having a rest, the doctors wanted to try solid food. First with a simple slice of toast with jam. Then later that day Beef Stroganoff with carrots. As you see, this did not go over well. I remember crying from the intense pains. Even with pain meds it was unbelievable. 


I lost an incredible amount of weight. The trial of food and the consequences thereof sealed the deal in my mind. I was obviously going to be in the hospital for a greater amount of time. What else were they able to do? I soon discovered there was one last “Hail Mary” before resorting to surgery. Which I will discuss next week. 

By looking back at life’s hardships, we gain a stark reminder of how strong we are during the most challenging of times. For me, it was not clear at the time. I honestly would lay in bed recalling my life to that point. Remember the good times, regret the times I made poor decisions & most of all think of all the journeys of life I would be missing. The night after I ate, I could not see how I was going to survive. I know now, there was a small likelihood I would have lost my life. At the time though, under the influence of the medications, my mind could not see the big picture. 

“I AM FIGHTING” is all I could repeat in my mind to keep me from letting go. To this day, I repeat those three words in my mind when I feel like giving in to my circumstance. 

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A Real Pain in the Ass

25 year old British bird with Crohn's Disease, a positive attitude, and way too much to say

Insideout Ostomy Life

Had your world turned inside out? Me too!

Tripping Through Treacle

Stumbling my way through life with Multiple Sclerosis

Thriving Under Pressure

Positive Psychology & Stress Resilience

joanjordan

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Sparkle With UC

Leave a Little Sparkle Wherever You Go

Reflection & Renewal

Creative Writing by Mary Pettigrew

SparkleWithUc

Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!

Trails: Adventures in Real Life

Navigating the wilderness of life and other adventures

Pocketful of Smiles

Lifestyle Blog

MakeItUltra™

Psychology to Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

It Could Be Worse Blog

My Journey Through Crohn's Disease, Veteran Healthcare & Other Issues.

SKYLARITY

Mindfulness, Spontaneity and Authenticity

MSnubutterflies

My Walk..........Living With MS

Just that one Girl

teenager trying to find her way

fitnessandguts

motivate | educate | entertain

A Real Pain in the Ass

25 year old British bird with Crohn's Disease, a positive attitude, and way too much to say

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